Tell Your Shirt I Said To Shut Up.

Did I wake you up this morning? Did I send you a text at the crack of dawn with a to-do list for your day? No? Then why does your shirt say, “But First, Coffee”? Or “Buy Me Brunch” or “I woke up like this”? Did I ask?

You can stop gawking – the rant ends there. This isn’t about how stupid the sayings are on the shirts in question (the answer is very). This is about how this trend is being presented to us as fashion. Let’s break this down, shall we?

white-slash-black-forever21-i-love-pizza-muscle-tee-screen

I’ve never liked the feeling that someone is pulling one over on me. It’s a sickening feeling for anyone, I think, being duped. I browse the “Keep” app occasionally (once I’ve memorized that day’s items on the RealReal), and I’ve found my eyes get stuck in the back of my head sometimes from rolling them so hard at these self-referential shirts.

Self-referential really is the operative term here. These shirts are intended to communicate something you plan to do. They are literally a tumblr quote or an Instagram caption for what you did or hope to do today. Have we become that lame? Are we really so two-dimensional as women that we will pay money for a shirt that is a parody of our real lives?

A parody! It’s true when you think about it. Here’s one:

beers

Great. This shirt just screams “nailed it” doesn’t it? Don’t you totally know that girl? I hope not. I hope no one is just into those three things. And the fact that some old white man or woman thought this up and had it printed on a shirt means that actually, this isn’t fashion. This is a ploy for your money, in hopes that someone likes being described like an Instagram photo.

Then we get into the cautionary messaging.

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Omg, that’s hilarious, right? “Dude, lol, I’m like fashionably insane. Like, I will so throw a glass of wine at you across a table. I have issues. More issues than vogue, LOL.”

Nope. No. I don’t care how tan the headless girl is in her high-waisted cutoffs (I bet there’s a messy bun up there, too) – this is not fashion. It’s pathetic.

And finally, the most meta example I stumbled on recently that pushed me over the edge. Voila:

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I just. I can’t. Can this please stop? Can we please just do things instead of writing them on our shirt? Or the shirt of a girl drinking Starbucks on our phone case? We are individuals, not tumblrisms.

Thoughts? Am I taking this too far? Do you hate this trend as much as I do?

3 thoughts on “Tell Your Shirt I Said To Shut Up.

  1. I normally like reading your blog, eh, not this one. Who cares what peoples shirts say….I am pretty sure people rolled their eyes HARD when you wore your hipster clothes and bandana around your neck all while thinking you were unique. Making fun of trends isn’t the way to get followers. Let people wear what they want, because at the end of the day we are all kind of basic bitches in our own ways.

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    1. I think you speak well for the counter argument to my decidedly terse and one sided rant. However, I do want to point out that among the actual complaints with the trend itself, I mainly take issue with how we choose to be distilled down to something we might tweet or post as a Facebook status. It just kind of sucks that fashion, a very vibrant, living and breathing form of expression isn’t safe from being dumbed down to the confines of 140 characters. And that we readily volunteer for it.

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