You guys, I save my true feelings for a place like this where I can write them down.

The truth is I’m disenchanted with YouTube right now. Their algorithm is designed to favor only the people who already have giant followings and will therefore make YouTube more money.

I almost didn’t even post this video because I have such a bad taste in my mouth with them right now. But I did. Because my freak flag knows few bounds. Enjoy.

How Buying A House Made Me Richer

You probably already know, I just bought my first house, and I never want to leave. I get to wallow in self-indulgence looking around at all the plush carpet, granite countertops, high ceilings and, well, empty rooms I just “bought” and even utter, “yay, me!” if I want. But what it’s done to my outlook on life is what I find most surprising.  Continue reading How Buying A House Made Me Richer

Things I REQUIRE From Mara Hoffman F/W 2017

Did you guys watch the live runway show for Mara Hoffman’s new season? No? Just me?

Let’s begin at the beginning. I’ll try not to sound like the art school kid that I am here, but art is innately connected to time and space. Yeah, bye. Unsubscribe below.

If you’re still here, thanks. I promise this won’t be douchey. What I mean by the above is that yes, styles come and go, and the “best” art should be transcendent, but works of art – fashion included – are inextricably linked to the time they were made. The influence of the environment, be it social, political, personal, really all of the above, on the creator is what makes something objectively worth a shit to people.mara-hoffman-rtw-fw17-new-york-3590-1487003465-mediumbigthumb

I say “objectively” because of how often I hear people say, “Art is so subjective. How do I even know if it’s good?” (This is usually alongside comments like, “my four year old niece could draw this,” and “it’s just a urinal. I don’t get it.”)

While we’re all entitled to our opinions, there’s no substitute for learning the context of a piece of art when trying to understand why this particular hack got his scribble drawing in a famous gallery selling for the GDP of a third-world country.

Fortunately for all of us, contemporary art – again, fashion included – is, as its name implies, of our time. It’s happening right now, being created by people who are still alive. Therefore we can at the very least appreciate it as it relates to us and our own lives, and if we really give a shit about it, we can even ask the artist what they were thinking.

Steering the conversation now specifically toward fashion, I released a post yesterday about how frustrated I am with my own wardrobe. It struck me as interesting in hindsight, though, because it seems the real issue is that what appealed to me when I bought the pieces isn’t as important to me now.

Could it be that in a happier time – when my parents’ insurance was safe, when we all felt good about the pace at which LGBTQ rights were progressing, when Muslim US immigrants didn’t feel at odds with their adoptive homeland, when we as Americans felt protected by our government – my approach to my appearance reflected the same whimsical vibe?

By that logic, it makes perfect sense that I suddenly feel betrayed by my disproportionately cheerful closet. It doesn’t feel right to act like everything’s okay, even when it comes to what I wear.

My initial “attending a funeral” approach aimed to bring the inside out after the election of our current oligarch. But it wasn’t satisfying. I want to be LOUD and angry, not shrink into the background. I want to be unforgettable, un-overlook-able, and yet, unmistakably serious.


So back to the Mara Hoffman fashion show. I opened an email on February 13, inviting me to watch the show live. I sat at work – tried to work – while streaming the show with the other half of my brain, but it quickly commanded all of my attention.

Four women stood in front of the crowd of spectators and photographers, dressed in humble black outfits, one of whom was now ubiquitous activist and Women’s March on Washington organizer Linda Sarsour. What followed was a stark and sobering statement women’s rights, and I encourage you to watch it here.

It would be easy for a critic to dismiss this ceremony as a sort of appropriation of Hoffman’s platform – sure, great, show us the clothes. But what no one might have expected was how Hoffman’s collection, as it came into focus, was itself a statement on public sentiment.

Fans of Mara Hoffman’s lines are very accustomed to blinding colors and busy patterns. She began as a swimsuit designer and thereafter succeeded in making her name synonymous with buoyant, happy clothes. I partially dreaded her new line, anticipating the same cloying taste in my mouth I got when YouTubers continued to post saccharine sweet content and tweet blithe platitudes while our nation suffered blow after blow at the hands of a naked emperor.


But this was different – it is different. I’ve often said I have a greater appreciation for things that are ugly on purpose and beautiful by accident than the other way around. That’s how I would describe this season.

The models in equal parts walked with purpose and danced with abandon around the stark concrete room. The clothes were decidedly demure, but decisive in their details. This was not a sad woman who had given up in the face of injustice – these were not the uniform for depression. The collection was entirely Mara, but at the same time definitely not fucking around. This woman is beautiful, she knows it, and she does not have time for bullshit.

A year ago, I would have seen this collection and audibly uttered, “huh?” But a year ago, I’d have responded similarly to the idea that our country – the world – would look the way it does right now. This is what I mean when I say art is innately connected to time and space. The meaning of this collection is inextricably linked to the double-edged battle intersectional feminism faces – one of an intimidatingly unworn path with a great deal of resistance, and one of emerging leadership in spite of the odds.

We decide with our every day. We become more of how we will be remembered with the small and seemingly meaningless choices we make in real time. In the face of austerity, of scary change, of the bad guys winning, art does not become less meaningful. To the contrary, it will be the creatives, the misfits, the weirdos who will speak for our generation  in history, relay through expression the ways we related to our own adversities.

And, as promised, the pieces I REQUIRE (when they go on sale I hope), from Mara Hoffman F/W 2017.

This article probably wasn’t what you bargained for – thanks for bearing with me – it wasn’t what I thought it would be, either.

[images via modaoperandi + nowfashion]


I Hate My Wardrobe & I Don’t Know What To Do About It

As a self-proclaimed shopaholic, I’m also all too aware of the criticism that surrounds being just that. The minimalism craze isn’t lost on me. I pore over YouTube channels like Jenny Mustard and MuchelleB, partially congratulating myself on having read and employed the teachings of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, while also reinforcing my steely resolve against the notion that “people only shop aimlessly when they’re unhappy.”

To the contrary, in response to the new “so-called” “Trump” “administration,” I pared down considerably, dressing for the past few months as if I’m going to a business-casual funeral. Because to some extent I feel like I am.

Additionally, I’m scheduled to close on a new house in July, and all dollars and cents that would normally go toward my shopping habit are now being funneled into a savings account for my down payment. My trip to Peru I had planned for my birthday is postponed, can’t open any new credit lines, you know the drill.

Without the revolving door of new clothes being bought and sold from my closet, I’ve had a sludgy sort of realization – I’m never really excited about 90% of my wardrobe. Furthermore, the pieces I am excited about – a pair of Street-to-Studio pants from Lululemon, an old pair of white linen culottes from Loft, a black jumpsuit that doubles as a pinafore – give me zero leads in terms of where to go from here.

I mean, the commonality is that they’re monochrome, but for various reasons – one of which being Ana Wintour’s vocal disdain for head-to-toe black – I know that’s not a stable foundation for a pleasing wardrobe. Not for me, anyway.

Speaking to my close friend Leslie – as I do all day most days on g-chat – we agreed wholeheartedly on the fact that our pieces of clothing feel either too old or too young for us right now. I’m turning 30 in April, she turned 30 last August.

We also, entirely independently, bought the same pairs of Madewell high-waisted jeans a few months back thinking, at least in my case, “This will cinch me in in the places I need it most.”


They are hellishly uncomfortable, somehow too big and too small at the same time, and they make my belly – which I work hard on keeping trim and firm to the best of my abilities – into a convex spoon shape. I can accept many things. Being a 29-year-old with a FUPA is not one of them.

So is it just the age where we are? Is 30 the ultimate limbo for self-representation in fashion? Will I ultimately emerge from my stretch-denim cocoon as a sophisticated, silk-draped 30-something? Is this when I start buying everything at Cuyana? Or am I destined to slowly spiral from athletic leggings to elastic waistbands and ultimately just muumuus because the sensation of fabric digging into my skin gives me anxiety?

More likely I’ll just end up with everything being black, but I hope not.

It probably seems frivolous, but I actually think about fashion a lot. I think I about my personal style, how to express myself in my clothes. It’s something I usually enjoy. But I often find myself in search of something that makes perfect sense to me, only to find that no one makes it. For example, a pair of straight-leg jeans with a mid-rise, a nice old fashioned GAP style rinse in a soft but substantial, un-stretchy fabric – like you’d expect someone on stage in STOMP might have worn in the late 1990s.

Or a decently fitting T-shirt for a small-chested woman. No, not a V-neck. A crew neck that doesn’t ride up when I use my arms, that doesn’t wrinkle when I sit down, that doesn’t shrink like hell in the wash, that doesn’t pill…I know, unreasonable expectations.

So whether it’s my disdain for my own wardrobe, or my disdain for the fact that I can’t find what I like anywhere, maybe they’re right after all. Maybe I am unhappy, and that’s why I shop. But it’s not aimless. While I recognize the contributions of Stacy London and Clinton Kelly to our collective fashion sense, finding clothes that fit, that flatter, that make you feel good about yourself, shouldn’t be the exhausting and ultimately unfulfilling process that it is.

And if you feel like I feel, what’s the secret to un-slumping? Because it’s about to be Summer in central Texas – and head-to-toe black isn’t going to cut it, no matter how much I want it to.


My biggest tip for staying motivated and growing.